Extreme hunger

I recall one of the scariest parts of recovery being my uncontrollable hunger. Having spent almost two decades controlling it, to have my physical hunger cues come back with a vengeance was both scary and, at times, bloody annoying and inconvenient! But from my body’s perspective it was totally reasonable - it thought that food wasn’t available so of course there’s no point sending physical hunger signals (plenty of mental hunger though to get me to seek out that food). But when I physically forced myself to eat A LOT more my body realised I was in a place of food abundance and really turned on those hunger cues again.

I had to completely surrender to this physical hunger - there was no point trying to placate it with anything less than what I desperately wanted (and needed!). These times came and went throughout my recovery. Maybe there was a reason but ultimately I learned that I didn’t need to justify or validate it. That is just was. If I was hungry then my body needed food. End of. It wasn’t always easy but it was simple. “My body isn’t trying to sabotage me - it’s on my side and I can listen” is a mantra that helped me through so many moments during these phases of heightened hunger. Most importantly I knew that I couldn’t micromanage my weight during recovery. I had tried that for years. Recovery treatment professionals do that regularly. I had always been told about the “right amount” of additional energy I was supposed to be eating to gain the “right amount” of weight per week - and anything above that would be binge eating. Well, let me assure you that responding to my extreme hunger was well and truly above whatever a book or traditional treatment centre might deem appropriate. But I had to trust that my body could look after me. It knew what it needed in order to get itself out of starvation and I did know, deep down, that I had significant energy debt - I’d been undereating to a greater or lesser extent for almost two decades. Everyone’s energy debt will be different but the core truth is that if you’ve been starved, there will likely be a biological drive to eat a vast amount of food to restore energy balance in your body. You don’t need to understand how much this will be, how long it will last or what it might mean - you simply have to respond appropriately and with as little judgement as you can.

I think it’s worth remembering the big picture here - that ultimately you want a life where you effortlessly and unemotionally respond to any and all hunger signals. It shouldn’t be scary, but I know it can be to start with. You have to work through this at each stage. Hunger isn’t just for recovery. It will continue to show up throughout life and it’s your job to rebuild that trust with your body so it knows you will respond when it asks. As you rightly should! Your body is always on your side - it’s safe to listen.