The slippery slope

From my experience it is obvious how easy it is to slip back into restrictive patterns if you take your eye off the recovery ball, even briefly. I believe that the most dangerous place for someone in recovery is when they have reached that quasi state - no longer obviously physically ill, much more able to participate in life, perhaps reengaging with work or study, less frequent support sessions, and yet significant ED neural wiring remains in place. It may not be activated nearly as frequently but it’s still there. There generally hasn’t been sufficient time for the new neural networks to be embedded as the “easy path” or the old ED neural networks to be pruned out. We know that this process takes time and concentrated abstinence from using those old neural pathways in order for them to truly dissolve.

This then makes a person in a quasi recovered state easily susceptible to falling back into disordered patterns. It may well not even be conscious but rather a less proactive approach to recovery action taking that reignites those old pathways. Often it is at this point in recovery that people, not unreasonably, focus on other parts of their life. Food and body and recovery are taking up less and less brain space so it is natural to want to let life move in and take centre stage. For many, this is what they have worked so hard for. Unfortunately though this can mean that the urgency of recovery is removed too early. By not continuing to have a foot firmly on the accelerator in this late stage of recovery it is very possible that sneaky ED habits find their way back into your everyday routine. It may seem innocuous to skip the side of crisps with your usual sandwich because you don’t fancy them today, and you’re not in a “critical” stage of your recovery, but this is not the case. Small restrictions like these can very easily send traffic down that disordered neural network that you have worked so hard to destroy. Even if your physical health is not impacted so quickly it can be surprising how fast your mental decline can be and how that freedom can suddenly return to what feels like a cage in your mind once again.

This is not to scare you or make you feel as though you will need to always be hypervigilant. This is, however, a reminder that you cannot get complacent in your recovery even in the later stages. Even though you may have challenged all of your ED rules and behaviours and you have so much freedom around food, I implore you to continue to maintain your recovery actions. To eat in abundance. To give your body and mind more than more than enough so that you are a million percent sure that you’re not sending traffic down those old neural networks. To keep doing this for a significantly prolonged time so that your brain can truly embed these new healthy networks and prune out the old. This doesn’t mean you cannot re-engage with life - of course you should! This is precisely why you have worked so hard! - but please do not relent on your recovery. It needs to remain as your top priority even while you go out and live the life that you deserve. Don’t give that ED an inch because it really truly will take a mile (and then some).

The reality is though that you might well get complacent at this stage and slip. If that is the case for you then the first thing you need to do is recognise it and not beat yourself up. It may well feel that mentally you are back at square one but I promise you are not. You have so much more knowledge, insight and experience than you did at the very start of your recovery journey. This is just another thing you can learn from as you pick yourself up and push forwards. Reaching out for support at this time is crucial - it will make you feel less alone and add back in that accountability that is so important throughout the recovery process. The good thing is you still know exactly what you need to do, use the evidence that you have of how you got there before to get you back to that state. The best thing is that now you know that you can’t let your life distract you from the recovery work you will still need to cement in for quite some time. Now that you know this, and perhaps what led to these behaviours and thoughts arising, you can double down on your efforts to keep recovery front and centre until you’re beyond sure that nothing can take you back to that place.